arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (in)secure, am i ? It might be hard to tell this, but the first 20 minutes into that meeting in Brunei, I was pressed to realize the tension rose significantly. Then only I knew, I had long left the scenario to really understand the condition. It stung like hell when you were cut off that way. My naive expectations were soon crumbled miserably. How can one imagine when they are doing this multi-millions project promoting around this so-called team-fucking-work, when in the actual sense are avoiding each other's existence? And in today's meeting, I became the platform of justifications when it wasn't needed in the first place. Damn those wisdoms. And some young boys were greatly misled to taking sides on who should they follow. I feel sick. Really. Some people here dont even realize it. My body felt foreign in both meeting, I failed to make my solemn words be heard. Tongue - tied and all my speeches were incoherent, as if trying to speak something but ended up choking with my own tongue. Im trying my level best best to tell that Im ok here..but Im not. Hey why am I like sinking deeper in this office political shitty and follow the direction of an individual thought? I have been here for 4 1/2 years ...why run like a crippled chicken now?? I have been here too long and maybe to comfortable. Breguet was right, they are spending their life trying to find what's right or wrong and try to fix it. I dont want to be that way. My life defines greater than that. Now, since my insecurity of moving on feels like another tsunami the world can't bear, I might as well UN-SECURE my self from this position triggered by default and get my self SECURED. A secured husband, perhaps??Or maybe another SECURED job?(Macam yang ade skarang tak secure) Iskhh..iskhhh wish my partner gets his butt out of Sudan soon..16 more days to go 5:53 p.m. - 2005-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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