arttistic's Diaryland Diary
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blue brace o' mine
In this little vicinity for the past 30 days, my view has been limited to the Plaza Ampang City building and nearly unrecognizable Great Eastern Mall� somewhere not far away.
I would lie everyday on my hospital bed staring emptily through the huge window draped with the green curtains so I'd see the menacing traffics outside. It calms me that I'm away from the merciless daily usual life and my mind is so free from everything outside.
I have only trotted the ground once so far and realized that the leap I have taken to be here is so great; I don�t envy anyone out there. And that I used to have a life out of a suitcase and flew high with then a pair of good and strong legs. Gone away for a while that life with an office suit with the right creases at the right places. What I have now is so simple very similar to what I have gone through in Europe.
Can I say how happy I am here? Will this little blunt confession means a pin-point of change that I have so needed? Despite the all 13 injections I have had so far, I am so deliriously happy. Hey I have another 14 to go!
This life of mine is almost perfect here. My meals are taken care of. The caring nurses who mother me like their own child. A great orthopedic chubby doctor who loves talking to me and picks on me whenever he can, it seems crazy. And I�d get back to him whenever I can. No wait...i'm the one who'd hold him to talk bcause he charges rm200 for simple ward review everyday. But then again, I think he likes some intelligent conversation with me that lately he lingers around longer than usual. How expensive. I have daily doses of newspaper, my crazy PDA phone, laptop, a 3G phone, camera,mcD's delivery number,Disney channel, HBO,my Dior Addict collections (yes, I�m a freak...i'd wear make ups & perfume to physio everyday. I need positive life la beb). My physiotherapist, cheeky Abang S is a really nice man who knows my left leg intimately than I know it. I have long suspected he has a thing or two about me, but I kept my distances so far. I so look forward to the 5 hours physio exercise everyday even though it tortures like hell. My best friends are my crutches and my blue brace and metal (im gonna call it BB soon) which the doctor braced from my upper thigh to the ankle with this little hinges on the knees to stop me from twisting/turning around my dodgy left knee.
So my life evolves around my left leg now. I am all about my leg for the next 2 months.
The worry I have is when I knew that how young I am to have this disease on my right knee that I have to preserve in what ever way I can and it can�t be cured. I also have the left knee to worry since I�ve just received a new ligament and my left calf has shrunk significantly due to the unused muscles. The pain gets worse upon healing and I have started quite a vigorous exercise and let down some of my body weight on the new ligament. It feels like getting a new knee altogether. Somebody should have heard the anguished screams I let out during therapy whenever they tried to electrocute or bend the leg. In which happens everyday.
And my biggest sadness is when some people in the company take things easy to settle the payment of my hospital charges which has accumulated to RM34K to date. And I am not even asking the whole of it. I am only asking that my charities and privileges as an employee to be taken care of. At the end of the day, it isn�t the money that I want people to remember. It�s the thoughtfulness to another human being that I�d remember vividly. A pinch of sympathy for somebody who has labored her sweat for almost 5 years. I cried hard and still despair but things somehow still have to be sorted out.
I�ll be discharged very soon and I�m gonna miss this place immensely. Its hard to imagine that I am so comfortable this way. The last time I felt this healthy was last year for 2 months in Brunei. I cried buckets and buckets when summoned back to KL. I may be doing it again.
Mooke has come here twice and i've flashed her my 'blue' leg as though its the 'in' haute couture of the month.
And my window with the green drapes is decorated with a dozens of dark pink roses from Breguet. Its ugly but I thanked him anyway and wished secretly that he doesnt read this...hehe.
2:04 p.m. - 2005-09-28
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