arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- crankier than ever I�ve been traveling again. Imagine being on planes 4 times a week Endless of meetings to attend. Tons of works to do. Site visits to be filled and at the end of the day, you just know you are tired. I have been procrastinating on my works merely because I am tired of the whole charade. I went to Brunei for 3 days and lost my weekend last week. Coming back I felt so worthless and uninspired to just keep on doing works. Yes, I was busy and hardly had time to update the diary. The truth is, I was and still am not satisfied with what I am doing. I guess, in a way, life has become so meaningless. I work like 16 hours a day. What do I get? And why only now have I started questioning myself? At this moment what I want is to live my life one moment at a time, knowing each time I might not see the other one. There is more to life than work. Since I�ve started working, I could not really recall how many times have I really watched tv, having dinner with my parents, going for holidays or balik kampung or spend my self reading a well-written book. Maybe I�m all that greedy. Trying to climb up the social ladder from here and still very ignorant that there�s some one is stabbing me from behind. I just wanna get out from here. But who would take me? Am I good enough for the challenge out there? And why am I afraid to just get my butts the hell outta here? I am full of insecurities. I am actually a person of a lot of interest. For the past 1 � year, I have concluded that nobody here really knows who I really am� +Nobody knows that I was an avid reader. Not anymore. +Nobody knows that I�m an animal lover and very sensitive towards them. +Nobody know that I am really good in making people look good with make-ups that the girls in my Univ. days used to come almost every night to get their face done. I am not just good. I am damn good. Had I not become an engineer, I�d end up becoming a make-up artist for runways. +Nobody here knows that I am also an artist moving my hands magically with pencils. That I still keep the early portraits I drew 10 years back when I was 14. That the first portrait I produced in pastel color was the face of Mel Gibson in the film Forever Young. It had so much compliments and so real in a lot of eyes looking at it. It�s one of my greatest possessions in my quiet life. And that�s how the name arttistic came into the picture besides its the combination of my middle name and my father�s. +Nobody knows that I want at least a diploma in photography in next 5-7 years to come. +Nobody knows that I still harbor the secret interest to learn how to play piano and saxophone right after I have finished studying which I failed to accomplish right now. +Nobody knows my love for Greek mythology or any other historical myth or about stars and constellations. Well.. the truth is, nobody knows anything.. and I have decided that I need to venture out from here so I�d feel the importance besides working 24-7. The place I am working now cannot provide what I want or provide my dreams. I want to feel the joy of getting home early (not everyday though) having the time pampering myself, going swimming or gym or just spend the night talking to my mom.. I miss those time� So, I think my decision is right, and I should think of everything positively, start handing over my CVs and get my butts off here. Even though it means leaving my cute client behind. *Sigh* Here�s the list of what I ought to do in the next 3-4 months after this: *Kill my CEO (again??) *Kick Commander YY�s butt and the uber-bitch engineer who hangs around his neck all the time. She looks like a cheap whore. *Start compiling my competencies and put it on my CV. *Start bullshitting in the CV and brag down to earth-ly my best qualities. *Drop another 5 kgs to look gorgeous in that kebaya I�ve been eyeing. *Buy another 2 handbags and a Levi�s Silver Tab *Enroll my name for gym membership. *Send my CV to hundreds of oil and gas companies that are in search of a project control engineer who has never bothered to do proposals again. (This is my dream now!) *Finish this Brunei tender and submit it on the 3rd Nov. Let Fareh go Brunei again. Not me. *Go to Pontian to attend Ida�s engagement and to do her make-up. I love her to bones. *Go to Singapore with Mimi. Love u mimi! *Save enough money to pay all my debts *Save enough money and go vacation to UK or Australia. If I go to UK.. wait for me kieli! *Take a long break for a week or two after hari raya. And go to Tanjung Aru with Mek Jaa. We gonna have lots of fun, mek..:) *Attend all the interviews held *Quit my job!!! *Tell Fareh, my dear boss the truth. That her sis is the other end of him and what a bitch she is and I hate the comparisons given between us and how she always brags around of how good she is and how she�s smart enough �membodek� my ceo and that my increment was not as much as her because of that fucking Zamri who�s been stabbing my back and my ceo has not been fair to us and I hate what I am doing now and that my source of happiness in this company is the Prai project and how I cant dedicate my self to it because of time constraints doing things I hate and how much I adore and respect him only that I can see myself doing this stupid tenders till the end of time and how I wish to polish my engineering capability and project control and why I have to leave the company in searching of my dreams and that I am sorry. *Kill my CEO (again and again??). Alanaber..this time u can help heheh *Start my masters degree in Construction Management with Heriot-Watt University. *Start building up muscles and jaga muka, badan and so on so I can seduce Breguet (ok.. this one I have to re-think..heheheh) *Kiss Mr. J goodbye�. Warghhhhh!! Sedihnyaa. Tell him it was wonderful working with him and I hope if he stays long in Petronas he�d become the next Petronas CEO. I know he�s one of the few candidates and I wish him all the best lucks in the world. Well, I would like to work with him again in the future and I know he doesn�t want me to quit and he told my CEO in a corporate luncheon that he wants me to be 100% involved in that Prai project. Mak.. terharunya� but I have to do this. I wanna be like him in the future. I am going to tell him that he can always be my friend. We are fond of each other.. I hope I am right. Jangan lebih2 dah le� hehhehe *Pack my things.. *Kill my CEO! Heh! Wish for my luck guys�adieu 5:10 p.m. - 2002-10-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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