arttistic's Diaryland Diary

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mati kutu

Fuhh.....! Lega.......when:

My boss said I don't have to go to Penang this Tuesday and that means the dinner is off. Lalalalalalaaa....

But�

Ok.. I have thought about this. I think it does no harm if I go to the dinner as long as we keep ourselves as public as possible. The more I think of it, I think I should take it easy. No need to be in the panic mode just because a married man asked me out for dinner.

Yes, I think so highly of him as a person. I remember writing about him for the first time in this diary In fact, being a nice person myself, I enjoy talking to this guy. But I have to be aware of the unseen boundaries. I feel so guilty now that I flirted with him in the first place. I didn't know he would take things this far. Well.. it wasn't actually a flirt. As far as I could remember, I was acting like a school girl with my friends because he's kinda cute. Maybe it was just a stupid crush and some idiotic infatuations I had to pass my time. So, we would flashed our best smiles and blushingly grinned in front of him but giggles like lunatics behind his back. It just felt like I was 15 again. Yeah.. the fact that I am actually now 24 doesn�t help either�

And of course it thrilled me when he started giving attentions to me. He is the Project Manager and I am his contractor's Project Control Engineer. We work closely. I remember updating my friends with his activities and when I got into trouble with my works, I turned to him as the last resort as I wanted to be in this project dedicatedly permanent. He tried helping me although unsuccessfully, I fed him with some internal information could not be sourced from my other team members. Ethic wise, I knew it wasn't right but I didn't get my team members or my managers into troubles. I had to do what was right and it worked wonderfully. The project goes okay now compared when it first started. I didn't tell everything. I just gave a little hint and he worked it out from there.

Truthfully, I expected nothing more from him. I wanted nothing. I was just having fun. I thought he was too. I don�t mind the little flirting over lunches in fact I enjoyed it full heartedly to the max. Or sending him sms to wish him well when he was sick, or gave extra attentions to him because he�s our client. But hey.. I even sent sms wishes to my own boss. Salah ke? Fareh tak la pulak sangkut kat aku�

Until few weeks ago�

I felt different. He always called me� almost everyday. Aku yang pandai ni pun layan aje laa� But last few weeks took a different turn because we didn�t actually talk about work. And last week, I felt myself responding well to his conversation. Instead of being formal like I�ve always been, I felt so comfortable talking him. No.. it�s not that way. Maybe he�s kinda pious. Of all the advices he gave, he made me wanted to be a better woman. Tapi kalau alim sangat takkan la pulak dia ajak aku pi dinner kan?kan?kan?? But still� memang le alim. Semayang sume tak tinggal.

When he called yesterday, I told him I won�t go to Prai next week. I told him.. next time lah ye? just a nice little courtesy I gave him. I could hear the disappointment in his voice.. tapi nasib la� sekarang ni dah tak thrill dah kalau dia call. Dulu lain..

And today, he said something about postponing the dinner thingy after he gets back from Prai and having it in KL instead. Cinabeng lu mamat!!!! Apala aku nak buat ni???Dah ler semalam cerita pasal kahwin dan poligami. Ingat aku ni calon isteri muda ke? Kak Jaa dah gelakkan aku sakan dah and cakap padan muka sapa suruh gatal dulu. Ciss! Tak membina sungguh komen dia.. skang dah susah nak lari.

So now, I am giving myself a week. Let�s just see over the dinner what will happen and I think I am going to tell him straight that I don�t fancy him that way. I think so.. I don�t know what he sees in me or he must have be blinded to like me more that he should have been.

It�s just a dinner after all. Makan free lagi..hehehhehe