arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my mundane damage Vague conversation over a �simple� mistake but biggie impact in my boss� room this afternoon: Boss: �I will not tolerate this kind of mistake anymore. I hope this will be going to be the last time I warn you about making similar mistakes. You just don�t put the company at stake but also Petronas at stake.� Me: �Like helloooo���. Do you think I would want to swallow that and get reprimanded like this??? This is my first time doing an assumption tank design. This is my first time.. I�m practically a virgin in this oil tank design thingy.I would appreciate if I can work my ass with a PROPER design engineer. It was MY mistakes dong arithmetical error but I please.. just get some moron to verify my design� I wished I could say that out loud but all I did was : �OK. I understand that. I would appreciate if I really could work with somebody. The arithmetical error was my mistake. I didn�t have the well of the sound engineering or rationalized the calculations and since this is my first time, I�m sorry..� �but Im damn sure not going to forgive you that CEO nearly called me �stupid�!� Me boss meant well�like always. I nearly cried in front of my ceo last Saturday because he was irritated I took take an assumption of the corrosion allowance as 3mm without having to question why. Was told by a senior to take that assumption. I did. Didn�t ask why. Boom..bang..boom bang! I fucked up. Boss: �The tender called for 0.5mm� not 3mm.. why didn�t you ask WHY????� Me: �I thought you asked me to pick up the design years as 50 years. Kamariah told me to put 3mm� not to mention that you also asked me to consider that... why do I have to listen to you? Why did you act as if you are not responsible for this?? You are my superior. I looked like an object of ridicule in front of the CEO. Like a man just losing his sexual prowess. Because you are not an engineer? I was not trained to design..yes, my sound check is weak.. too weak.. and my focus is not reliable to you. I admit that. But be fair.. I trust you.. I thought I have a boss to rely on. I made a mockery of myself when I mentioned Kamariah�s name in front of the CEO. That I just accepted without question her assumptions. Yes, it was my mistake that I didn�t ask why but the damage done when I mentioned Kamariah�s name was even severe. It sounded like I have trouble admitting my mistakes or the confidence to pick up the responsibility of my own damage. Few milimeters of corrosion allowance to a 40m diameter tank can cost hundreds of thousands. Imagine if you have 10 tanks each was wrongly calculated. Millions and millions�. The Petronas guy called from Hong Kong to re-check my calculations. Was a clear mistake.. I labeled the different material for the tank and nearly cost them wastage of 100 tonnes steel plates. Imagine the severe I would have caused had they proceed with the calculations? God� the blood would have drained from my face. See� there�s no room for mistake in this world of engineering. I have vowed to be a good engineer and I know damn too well I�m gonna be one regardless how late or hard it is. There are about only 4 or 5 careers labeled as professionals. Engineers, doctors, lawyers, accountants.. I forgot another one.. but this time it�s really challenging my capability. Boss: �I have trouble promoting you to be a senior engineer because of your confidence to take up responsibility of your mistakes..� Me: This wasn�t the first time doing such mistake of putting other�s name in front of me. Though I didn�t mean to not to pick up my own responsibility, it sounded bad for my career. Sounded as if I do not want to take charge of my own mistakes. No.. I know that�s not me. Most of the times I just told them from whom I got the info, how, when and where. Guess I am not mature enough for that.. or for this organization. Guess that I have to swallow all like antacids. The impression of what my boss said this afternoon. The truth, it seems, really hurts this time� ******************************************************************************* This is the time where I feel like picking up Breguet from my dream and hug him for real.. I really need this.. 2:28 p.m. - 2003-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||