arttistic's Diaryland Diary

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leaping further

I did something I shouldn�t have done 5 days back. I went and see Breguet. He stays as friend. Will always be. I cant see my future without him being a part of me. His soothing voice.. those words of wisdoms�psychotic ideas.. it�s too much not having him as a friend.

I could see his look when I told him how much I have moved forward. We were both sad. We both chose to keep quiet while looking deep at what was going on. I couldn�t help noticing his change of emotions. For a while it was so transparent, I nearly believed he�d tell me everything about how he felt. I knew the instant he tried to act as though nothing had happened that he tried cracking some bad jokes about it.

Bitter? Of course. But hell� I gotta get real as well. I even uttered some stupid sentence.. deliberately making a drawback.

Me: �if you ever want to get married� you tell me ok?�
Breguet: �Why?� He asked after a long pause. He looked away�and just failed to look at me.
Me: �Nothing.. I�d just like to know�
Breguet: �Would you?�
Me: �Of course I would tell�

But the truth is, I don�t know. But come to think about it again, maybe I would. I am still unsure on how to regain my composure whenever I look at him. I sensed myself letting go when I asked that question ..which is good. I no longer feel sad over his treatment not telling me how he really feels about me. I know I will never be the woman he wants. No matter how much he cares about me, there�s something about me is just too wrong for him. Besides, we both are like the clash of the two universes. At times, I still yearn for him but a girl like me has to move on. Being older, what he needs in this life or even his perceptions are just different. I don�t fit the spaces he wants to fill except for few. Friendship is one of it. Letting go, I found out not too long ago is the best�

+++++++++

To a certain Miss Zahrin Suhaili, do you know what a fool you are? And yet I have never known anyone so lucky�

+++++++++ To cik kieli.. aku betul nak gelak bace entry setahun lalu tu.. cepat betulkan masa berjalan?

3:11 p.m. - 2003-02-08

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