arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jaa...hear me across the sky For the last 5 days, I contemplated myself if I should really put this on writing. I had all the time in the world, but still, I shut these whispers in a corner and stayed quiet. I began to ask myself, have I changed so much that some of my friend refused to confide in me? Some people I know have no idea how hurt it was when they inadvertently compared the status between us. During a small gathering we had recently, I tried my best to put an act when I heard cynical remarks reflecting my career path and what little success I have achieved so far. I have learned my best on how to keep quiet outside the office of what I have become. I stopped dead if any of my friends asked me of my rapid remunerations. Some things are better left unsaid. It did not change who I am and when I saw a close friend of mine in this very office steered away from me, I cried. My face burned whenever she made a remark of how different I was from her. But I tried to soothe my heart telling that she was just feeling inferior and sad that things haven�t been so fair to her. I even tried to convince my partner to hire her as his Project Controller so she�d have a better future and far better salary in Petronas. She got the job and was rather giving me the impression that she�d go there. On her last day here, I watched her go with a heavy heart. I even cried in my car on my way back to my home knowing that we�ll hardly have our weekend together again. But what I thought I knew was not the whole story. My company suffered a betrayal recently that could collapse our whole system had it not been watched properly. Luck, I guess was upon us and we�ve been blessed with 4 projects nearly at once ever since. I am not sure if I pity the management of what had happened because I think everything derived from them and I know they had pretty good lessons on this. But this kind betrayal was hard for me to accept. I�ve been pondering on how could they betray the spoon that fed them? And little did I know it cost me a friend that only last 5 days I began to put two and two together of why she left so abruptly. I should have known this was coming. The moment she gave her 24 hours notice and still owed 18 days more to the company, cleared her stuffs at home that very night, I should have guessed that her motives and acts were driven by somebody else, not hers. I felt betrayed of the lies she�s been telling and the fact that she burned the bridges just like that. I even asked something to my boss and when he explained the situations, I felt like a fool being duped for somebody I trusted so much. And I knew instantly she wasn�t about to go for the job my partner offered but to somewhere else. All I could do was shedding bitter tears. Her mobile was shut off, she never returned the calls and I have no idea when am I going to see her again. All I could think now are the moments we shared before she left for Miri 2 years back because after she came back from Miri, I sensed things had changed forever. I have felt the distance for months but I just kept quiet. Some of her belongings are still with me, and on my table lays the orange crystal ball she gave to me when I visited her in Miri, the tangerine bottle, the bamboo mat and so many more that reminds me everyday of her. Gone were the happy days where we used to go to Pangkor and spent hundreds of ringgits on hotel room, the countless karaoke sessions we so fond of going or the frequent visits to Kopitiam Killiney. The secrets we shared for the forbidden love we have for some men will always be with me. I know my weekends will never be the same and what made her forced herself of this decision, I will never know from her, merely judging from the information I got so far. I wish her luck for her life. Should she consider accepting the job my partner offered her, I will be terribly happy because I know she will be on the right track. Knowing my partner, I know he will take good care of his subordinates. I still feel disturbed and this weekend has been the loneliest so far because I still feel bitter somewhere back in my throat. Things will never be the same. Should she hear my story or my voice whispers, I want her to know I will always care for her and thankful of her friendship. Somewhere deep inside, I am always the girl she knew back then. Only time changed. I was na�ve enough sometimes to believe everything, and sometimes what we have to do is just to close our eyes to see. I did it this time. 3:10 p.m. - 2004-06-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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