arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mend me, the pieces into one We hit the road for Miri today merely because my QC Manager couldn�t stand the silence, the loneliness clouding us. I couldn�t understand but still I went along, refused to be left behind, putting away the thoughts of why did I survive it a week here. Well..everything reminded me of Jaa anyway. Places we went to eat, shops we used to drop by, and even the house she used to live where we spent childlike giggles whenever I was around in town. I kept my memories with her down somewhere so the hurt wouldnt be unbearable. I just shielded everything as if trying to be protective and kept very quiet. All I want is to talk. Desperately... but there�s no one here I really know except the boys. This is what happen in your life when all you can see is the male species 24-7. I'm trying to override my conscience that I will be okay here without a single female friend. I will have to stop this alarming thoughts on my head to face the demons in me whenever I'm alone. I know somehow this current stillness of my life has, in exchange provide a space for me to indulge in a deep thought of what I will have to decide about so many things ahead of my life. Few nights before I came here, I was given a thorough explaination of consequences I probably have to pull through if I ever decided to change. I'm gonna have to make it through these hungry years of lack of wisdom. I just wonder if there is anybody who would walk along this road with me. People are bound to change. They take different turn in their life. Some set to commit and get married, others may decide to change a career, live in a foreign land, but mine has everything to do on how am I suppose to become and lead my life. It has become fuzzed,like not knowing what to rummage in thousands pieces of anecdotes and adapt it in my life. I feel as if Im clinging to a very thin thread of faith that the courage to even begin is almost non-existant.I need this desperately to ignite it and later to have something I have longed for years and years in my life. 12:19 a.m. - 2004-07-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||