arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Underneath my skin, there's a remote stranger Rik made a personality analysis on me after dinner yesterday, which left me pondering all night. This morning, I woke up very early at dawn, sitting on my bed with my marauding mind took lead of what he said last night. It surrounded me because almost what he said is true. Curiousity was killing me instantly but being a drama queen that I am always good at, I pretended unperturbed but all I wanted to do was to weep my heart out. If this the way people think about me, I will never be what I want. I know it's wrong being a muslim and still believe what people predicts about you in the future. I have dreams that even my partner cant take it. I am too used to being on my own and follow my own mind. I scarcely listen to a voice that isnt mine. I cannot help it. When my partner entered my life, there were significant changes in me, but these changes took ages to emerge. My drawbacks about committments to him are too great simply because of my dreams and Im not willing to change to shape his mould. I dont know what's the meaning of sacrifice yet. But I am not willing to trade him for the universe just because of my hard-headed nature. A Rik put it, unless if I do something about it, my dreams could be shattered and my partner could be gone. Where would I go and who would I be then because I know I'd hate myself to see him gone. So at 6:30 am this morning, I text him: "Do you see trouble should I commit to u just because I am ambitious? Can u foresee that?" His reply was only one word that could shatter my whole universe Yes Maybe I should forget about all these fucking dreams. 1:08 p.m. - 2004-08-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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