arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my definition of paradigm doesnt go that far I cant believe I hv to spent few bucks just to catch up with lives in diaryland. Imbecile people in my company have just decided to block a blog or any webpage that has a high rating visitors. Wtf? And my blog is group into "internet communication'. Wtf for the 2nd time. It's killing me because I dont normally have any entertainment there. Another note, I was reading a certain blog this morning when I came into the word of "paragdigm shift". I've had a million thoughts on why should I let my own paradigm to shift. What procrastinate me to change and why am I still in my comfort zone? My 'antique' partner has always pestered me to succumbed to his own paradigm in which I think could be horror at times. But it's quite drastic for me and I've been pondering if I'd be able to cope with it should my whole life changes for the better. To stay in my own comfort zone means not to take risk even though I am not satisfied of my own life. But to stay also means I am an idiot, unwilling to move forward, unable to change. I want to change, to move, to be a better person, because the mill that drives me doesnt fade that easily. To change now, I'd stop a lot of time to undo the mistakes in the future. Still, I am procrastinating...what am I waiting for? Should I sacrifice this present for the future? This year alone marks a lot of changes that I suddenly found myself longing for it. Like the time when all I felt was to bring my feet to a remote place and stay there forever. Or the quiet American houses in Panaga Street surrounded by lush beautiful tall trees. I had never wanted to stay inside. My heart always went outside where the real action happened. My tough character moulded by what I thought what is right for me. But the steps I made were not always right, sometimes deceiving and notoriously ignored. He never said it that he wants a quiet life. I know it by heart. So do I. Im not yet willing to give up what I have just to start a life with him. I have so many dreams I'd have to achieve before I settle down. A comfort place for my mother, a tour in Europe, a peek of Achilles' land, my long due of piano classes, a car of my dream, a skill of photography, the art class which I have already mastered just to formalise it, to never leave my prayers again and to really undersatnd my existence as Muslim in this world. He held out his hands so many times, I ignored. Do I really have to do this? Thousand of things to leave behind and I hope my friends wont be so pathetics finding me in Qiyamulail each time they call. Hehe..Im gonna have to say good bye to karaoke sessions soon. Hmmm... Years ago, Nurul used to say that the way I look at marriage is like the end of everything. Breguet told me 2 years back that I'd be the soppiest wife around. Yeahhhh...rite. But Nurul could be right because I did think of that. Im gonna meet my partner today to say Im against his going to Exeter next year for his MBA. This guy is out of his mind. He's staying with me. End of story. 12:15 p.m. - 2004-09-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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