arttistic's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i should be on a pill right now

WHooAAA!!

This is the soft touch of magic played up by the IT people today. What happened to the firewalls? How on earth did I get through all the diaries/blogs unblocked? I should be grateful i guess.

I have been listening to Laura Pausini's One More Time all morning. Have anyone heard of this song from the movie Message In the Bottle? Even after 5 years, it still feels good listening to it.

I should have known this, even with this blog restored, my mind still wanders far away. I feel bad about this. Im completely not being fair to the company when all I could fork out was nothing and my marauding mind could not be centered on anything at all.

I had a difficult time delivering jobs last week. I fucked up a job given to me thanks to my perpertual lousy moods. My uterus was killing me. I made the bosses stayed up all night in the weekends. On top of that,I had to go to Medan on Saturday to pick up my maid who got stranded in the middle of Aceh's Leuksumawe county and hauled her back to KL. I ended up losing my beloved ole handphone. I dont know where i put it, I kept it in my back pack the whole time. I only realized it when i reached kl to unpack my belongings. Even the money was still there.
I sort of having nightmare over the lost phone (no kidding!). I guess that happens when you keep walking about the memory lanes, not willing to let it go. Besides, this is the 3rd time i lost my phone. God must be punishing me over something I did.
My ruined project would cost the company a lot, this I know by heart. I hate to say this, but it affected on my performance sorely here. I understand that it's human to make mistakes, but it has always taken me a long long time to really learn from mistakes.
The missing truth here is that my learning curve has gone stagnant. My passion towards my work has rather declined lately. I envy my boss for his enthusiasm, passions and profesionality of handling things. I dont walk his pace and it's killing me because I dont want to stay behind all the time. I know how badly it would get into me if I keep with this procrastinations. It's the value of being effectiveness I'd be losing here.
Im still finding ways on how to keep the fire alive. Or maybe I should find another job to keep me happy. But that wont resolve anything. That is running away from the situation.

11:32 a.m. - 2005-01-18

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next