arttistic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thoughtless words Who would like to be left behind by their friends? In a deliberation of bringing myself to this subject, I sometimes found myself torn between my past and present. Maturity (not that I have that much), I guess makes me more cautious in selecting my friends these days. I might not be the best buddy a girl/guy would have had. God knows how many sorry times my partner had to calm himself down to tolerate to my hard-headed nature. Ida had to level her head to cope with my bitter views and opinions of herself. The equally bitter shouts we�d usually have upon disagreement of something. But we both have been friends for so long and know each other so much, we cant actually ignore each other. I gotta admit that I am sarcastic and temperamental enough to make some people just hate my guts. But I�ll never get through this if I�m not one. I have seen Zila�s face when I firmly pushed all the works to her. Rose, my old assistant cried hard enough to wet the floor on certain days but out of 3 assistants I�ve had, she ended up being the most efficient assistant we�ve had in 3 years. A compliment I have never told her. I still fond of her and miss her sometimes. And Halim, who�d hate me because I had been such a bitch as his boss. He deserved that and don�t ask why. The fact that some people think that I don�t care what they talk about me was all bull shits. I do care. And that doesn�t mean that I don�t have a heart. I felt left out these days. With my good friends scattered all around the world now, I seem quite lost in searching of a good companion. Not that I don�t want to be giddy with all the girls here. Sometimes, it�s just not me. Once you�d start being close with some girls and they just don�t have the time for you, you�d question yourself..are you not good enough? What the hell are they talking about you? Why are they ignoring me? At least I had that in all my relationship. And tonight I feel it again. I should not. Perhaps the bitterest case for me was Jaa. She left without saying goodbye when she left the company. I still wonder why she had to go away this way. What did I do to deserve this? The girl I have not spoken with in 10 months wished my boyfriend happy hari raya but not a single text was forwarded to me. Imagine how I feel about that. She practically speaks to everybody but me. So much for being a good friend for 3 years. Once again you�d ask yourself why. Breguet told me once; � your colleagues are not your friends, why don�t you face that?� I am not sure if I can do it. 4:54 p.m. - 2005-03-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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